How Comparison Killed the Cat.

By: Mya Vigna

Hello readers, long time no blog! Exam season was a long one (as I'm sure my fellow students will agree) and now that it is over, I can get back to regular scheduled programming...mostly. Today is an exception, and instead of chatting about my current takes on upcoming fashion fads and trends, I decided I wanted to discuss something that I have come to understand is a huge challenge for many people (including myself). That being, ✧･ﾟ: *✧Comparison✧* :･ﾟ✧. While certain forms of comparison can be positive and motivating...the kind that I find I struggle with the most as of late, is negative comparison; of myself to others. Leading me to feel insignificant, and like everyone else has their shit together, while I struggle to come up for air in the shadows of their success. False and overly exaggerated yes, however, that little voice inside our heads telling us that we are never good enough, can be extremely convincing. Negative compairison can have a huge impact on your mental health, therefore making it ever so important to recognize and confront accordingly.

In the last few months, I have struggled a ton with this, often comparing myself to people much older than me, who are in completely different stages of their lives! Of course I'm not experiencing the same things that they are!!! I am freshly 21 years old, and have not even finished my degree nor moved out of my parent's house yet!!! This toxic cycle has taken a huge toll on my self-esteem, and I have allowed myself to believe that I am lesser than. All because I'm currently not on the same life path as people who have had much more time to achieve their goals! Now that I've written this down and am reading and re-reading my words, it sounds a little silly. However, the large number of people my age who I know also struggle with these feelings, leads me to believe that I am in fact, not crazy, and am just experiencing the unfortunate side effects of being in my early 20s.

Do you compare yourself to others?

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  Yes, all the time
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  Yes & I really want to stop
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  No, I've never done that in my life (jk, all the time)
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  I seriously don't

It doesn't help that when I go to lean on my trusty self-help solutions (via googling "how to stop compairing myself to others"), I am told in a bright cursive font to "Practice Gratitude" and "Unlock the Power of Contentment". I'm sorry, but screw that. Yes, I'm sure for some, those sound-like optimal solutions, and great journaling prompts. However, in my personal experience, writing down one thing that I am grateful for each day, does not necessarily solve my problems (I mean absolutely no offence to those who do this by the way... if it works for you then I am glad you have found a solution!). Don’t get me wrong, I'm extremely grateful for the life that I have and all of the wonderful people that are in it! I personally, just don’t find practicing gratitude to be the most realistic solution to my constant comparisons.

Since I returned from vacation, I have noticed this grey cloud over my head, and have not quite been able to put a finger on the cause (first world problems I know.. but hold on, I'm getting to my point). Could it be the post-vacation blues? Most definitely! Potentially with an added sprinkle of 'oh my god it's exam season, time to get my ass in gear' stress. I have finally realized however, that it was comparison causing me to fall back into this self-induced funk, which has really been impacting my mental health. How aggravating is that??! Coupled with a dash of jealousy and a helping of imposter syndrome... this has truly been a recipe for a comparison induced disaster. When I expressed these feelings to my roommate, she told me her quick fix to this issue, which at the time, I didn't buy into straight away. Now, however, I have been converted into a wholehearted believer. The solution really is as simple as telling your brain and your negative self-talk to, "SHUT UP!" (feel free to throw in an F bomb if it will make you feel better.. that's what I usually do).

I know this sounds a little loopy but at least give me the chance to explain. If you really think about it, comparison is just your brain tricking you into thinking that you're not good enough. Therefore, I say, trick it back!!! Tell your brain to shut up and stop making you feel guilty for things that are completely out of your control. This 'exercise’ or 'practice' if you will, is about grounding your body, and making your mind understand that you are trying your hardest, and don't need the added pressure of comparing yourself to those around you!! If "Shut up" doesn't tickle you pink, try zeroing in on your current comparison and attempt to reframe your thinking in a different light. For example, sometimes I think to myself "wow, so-and-so is going to be such an amazing nurse, I wish I was going to be as good as them"... this is a completly illogical comparison. I am looking at someone else who 'has what I want' and comparing myself to them, as if I do not possess similar skills and qualities, that will also make me a 'good nurse'. To get my mind out of this negative cycle, I find it helpful to focus on the positive things I can bring to the table, which will negate my current compairison, therefore, improving my thought pattern. Going back to my example about becoming a nurse, I could instead focus on the qualities I possess that will also make ME a good nurse, instead of compairing myself to others! I guess in the end, it all really is about gratitude haha.

If there is one thing I hope anyone takes from this post, it is that despite what you may think, no one truly has it all together, and everyone, I mean EVERYONE, deals with the struggles of comparing themselves to others! We are only human, and unfortunately, that means comparison is part of the experience. That does not need to be a negative thing however!! Positive comparison is still important. But when that starts to manifest in an obstructive way, it is important to try and shut those negative thoughts down as best we can! This is something that I try to work through every day... whether it actually helps or not.

Thanks bunches to those who made it this far! I hope you enjoyed this post:) I know it is a little different from my norm, but I felt like I really needed to speak on this topic as it has been a huge source of strain in my life over the last little while. It was honestly quite therapeutic haha. Feel free to subscribe to my blog and leave a comment or your email if you get the chance! Any support is always appreciated <3